Saturday, December 22, 2007

It's Christmas Time!

Well, I've been on my medication for a week now, and I've never had such a week before in my whole life! I've remembered things so much easier, getting work done faster and more efficiently, and I think I've even gotten along better socially at work. It's just been better all around!

I still have the after lunch kind of going into the fog sort of thing which I've read most ADD'ers experience. One book specificaly says that it's best to make and do all important crucial things in the morning, and avoid doing any of those things in the few hours after lunch. So, that's one thing I'll talk to my dr. about, could be just the way ADD is, or maybe it's the medication.

Anyway, back to my main reason for doing this one entry. I'm finally going to let my family know about my ADD (which I think some knew about, others maybe not). I'm going to email them a Christmas e-card and put on there that they need to check out my blog.

I wasn't the easiest person to deal with as a child, or teenager, or even adult. I can look back now with the fog of ADD lifted and see how difficult it must have been for everyone around me. I truly appreciate how hard it must have been for my mother to get me up in the morning, hound me until I did all the usual morning stuff, and try to get me off to school with everything I was supposed to have. When my dr. asked me if I usually forgot stuff during my school years, I remembed all the times I had to call my mom to bring me that forgotten something I had to have. I am truly thankful that my mother didn't work outside the home and she usually could bring me what I needed.

As a teenager, I found an outlet in reading, so with my ADD, it would take someone actually touching me or yelling at me to get me to come out of the story going on in my head. Needless to say, when I was in my room with the door closed concentrating on a favorite book, I would never hear my mom or sisters calling me and saying they were going to the mall, movie, restaurant, wherever. It just never made it past the fog and into my brain. So, many times I would finally "surface" for some reason or the other, had to use the bathroom or stomach grumbling (for someone with the inward type, it takes that annoying type of thing to make them surface), and finally realize no one was home. To my mind at the time, I couldn't believe they would go somewhere and not take me with them, or even tell me bye.

But now I know better, I know that they told me about where they were going or what they were doing, but it was in the way that normal people tell their children that they are going somewhere and need to get ready, by hollering down the hall something like "If you want to go to ***insert where or what here*** then you better be ready in 15 minutes", that sort of thing. For someone with inwardly directed ADD, it just bounces off the fog and is lost forever.

Which is not very conducive to having a good social life. I remember one time that some guy called me and when he said his name, for the life of me,I couldn't place the name, poor guy. I found out later he was the really cute guy who sat a few seats behind me in my Trigonometry class. I just couldn't put all the connections together to remember. I know now that ADD is a big part of that too. Remembering names, even for everyday objects, even just calling something the wrong name and then going "oh no, no wait, why did I say it's that, it's this instead" is attributed to ADD. It happens to me often enough, my co-workers used to just kind of look at me and roll their eyes a bit. But, I think I've been better this last week.

And also about social life, if it hadn't been for my BFF, I would never have met my husband. I had always been so awkward socially, also part of ADD, I always said the guy would have to hound me, or hit me over the head for me to ever notice him. Well, one guy did, not hit me over the head, but the hounding part, and we actually dated for about 3 months. When I found out he was starting to date his ex-fiance, I went to my BF's place and was going to have a down-with-all-men session, when her husband showed up with a guy he worked with who wanted a home cooked meal.

Well, he was pretty cute, and pretty charming, but it might have been the 1 and a half wine coolers I had drunk, so, later, as friends do, I nagged my BF to find out all about him. Found out he was nagging her husband, too. And after, a very fun double date at a steakhouse, we started dating on our own. And the rest is almost 11 years and 2 children worth of history later.

He doesn't understand me all the time, but he's very patient and puts up with my ADD moments, which are much fewer, usually just occuring now before bed. And he is begining to understand why I have to have places for everything and everything in it's place, he's been reading my ADD books to learn how to help.

So, in closing, since dinner is almost done, I wanted my family to have a little more insight into me and my ADD. And to let them know how much I love them and appreciate them and all that they have done for me. I can see that now. The saying is hindsight is 20/20, but with ADD, it's more like 20/20 through dirty lenses, but when the fog is gone, it's like seeing 20/20 through a telescope. For a time at least, everything comes crystal clear and remembering the goodtimes and everything that my family has done for me, is easy.

Merry Christmas and God Bless us everyone!

Monday, December 17, 2007


Yeah, I've finally been diagnosed with ADD, not hyperactive, cause I'm not hyper, but the inwardly directed type. That just means that instead of my body being the thing running 90 mph, it's my mind. So, I knew I would get diagnosed with the ADD, but I was also diagnosed as having Anxiety. That was a surprise to me, but I have had that before during a particurlary stressful time of my life at a previous employer. Don't want to go there, was a terrible time and I ended up quitting a job for the first and only time in my life.

So, Friday, I was given a prescription for Focalin and something for anti-anxiety. Took the anti-anxiety Friday evening, and it worked, slept well for the first time in a long time. And Saturday was the first time I took the Focalin. Boy, I noticed that the fog lifted off my brain in about an hour. It was WONDERFUL! This is how it's suposed to be!

The kids and I went to town and had a wonderful day, I only forgot to go to Sears to pick up their pictures, but with all the traffic at the mall, I probably wanted to forget, so I probably subconciously blocked it out on purpose. But we did all the other running around picking up gifts for my son's class, one for someone in my daughter's class, got all the stuff for all my baking and candy making for work and kids schools. Got the gifts for the co-workers and even remembered to find the something my husband wanted. Didn't get to stressed at all the people or at the kids pulling me everywhich way, which says something with all the holiday stuff going on everywhere.

All in all I have been doing wonderful so far. Today will be my first day on Focalin at work, so I'll have to do another message tonight or tomorrow after work and see how it all goes. See what type of difference the meds make on my job performance and if I get everything done I need to.

Till Later!

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