Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Oh boy, was I having an ADD morning. I couldn't focus, when I thought of something I needed to do, if I didn't write it down or act on it, the thought would float right back out and I wouldn't think of it again until hours later. So, I had to call out the reserves to help me stay on task, Bon Jovi. Music seems to help me be able to focus much better, as long as it's just background noise. Not saying that Bon Jovi is noise, cause I really like them, it's just that since I'm so familiar with their music, I don't feel the need to try to really pay attention to them. I can just enjoy the music and let it drown out all other distractions.

I learned that trick long before I learned I had ADD. When I did my homework as a kid, if I didn't have music going, I couldn't focus on my homework. My family really didn't understand that back then. My sister had to have it nice and quiet for her homework and that's also what worked when my mother had to pay bills or some other task along those lines. But not me.

I was always a little different, well actually a lot different. Didn't make straight A's , wasn't the social butterfly, was happy to just stay at home and read most evenings, that was all very weird to the rest of my family. Well, since I've learned more about ADD, I had signs of it all along, but back then, they only looked for "Learning Disabilities" in kids who couldn't keep up with the class or something along those lines. And I didn't fit into that category.

The standardized tests always showed I was above average, so everyone just wondered why I wasn't living up to my potential. If you would just apply yourself you'd do well, they said. What they didn't know, and what we actually all didn't know, was that girls, and women, can have ADD right along with their brothers. It just manifests itself differently.

Like me, women tend to internalize their symptoms, meaning their minds can be the hyperactive part and not their bodies. That's my major problem that I am hoping to have addressed at my first psychiatric appointment on Friday.

I was recommended this doctor by my current general practitioner. So, when I called for an appointment I specifically asked if they treated adults with ADD and they said they did. So, I said when's the next available appointment.

I'm really excited and hopeful that I can receive some type of help for my ADD. I hope that it will be a combination of several things including medication and some type of coping strategy, because I'm here to say, it doesn't get any easier as you get older. If anything it's gotten much harder for me. My ADD doesn't just affect me anymore, it affects my whole family.

If I don't pay attention to something, I miss my kids play at school, or don't get the snacks to school on the right day. Maybe I forget to send them with their lunch money and they eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that day, even though they love pb&j, I still feel awful that it happened. Everyday there are so many things I have to try to pay attention to, like the laundry I forgot about and need to go put in the drier... that sort of thing.

Well, better go get back to work, now that I've come out of ADD land for a moment, more later this week!

Sunday, December 9, 2007

My First Blog!

Wow, this is going to be cool and probably very therapeutic too! My best friend, over on ablesantics.blogspot.com, got me hooked on blogs and now it's my turn to start one.
I think what I am really going to try to accomplish with this blog is to try and show my journey with ADD. I've known I've had ADD probably since my nephew was diagnosed with it about 10ish years ago. When he was diagnosed, my family and I all started researching ADD and learning more about it so we could learn how to help him, but in the end I ended up reading about myself in those pages that describe about the inwardly directed person with ADD.

You can't imagine my surprise when I finally read that I wasn't lazy, crazy, or dumb, to take a bit from a title of one of the ADD books. I think I actually cried with relief at finally knowing I wasn't weird. I also cried with some grief over all the years that I spent being told over and over, "you're so smart, why don't you apply yourself more?" or something like,"why can't you just be more organized?" etc.

I was in my mid-twenties when my nephew was diagnosed with ADHD. At that time, I read lots of books and finally found a book about ADD in Adults by Lynn Weiss and it gave lots of information about ADD and some tips about how to cope. It's helped until recently. Lots of things have happened in the last few years that seem to have really made me realize I need more help than what I can learn in books.

So, I've made an appointment with a psychiatrist who I hope will make a formal diagnosis of ADD in me and will hopefully lead me to some form of treatment that will work for me. Whether it be medication, therapy, etc. I'm ready to do whatever it takes to bring this racing mind of mine under control so I can live a much fuller life and accomplish what I want to accomplish. It isn't just me that's affected by this disorder but my whole family, co-workers and my poor new house that I just can't keep clean and organized.

I'm looking at this as a new chapter in my life that I can't wait to see how it plays out. Hopefully by writing this blog I'll be able to look back and see that I've made progress with my ADD and that things get better. But, right now, I have to get done with this first blog so my husband can finally put up my shelves that I've been asking him to put up for the last month.

Til next time!

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