Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Oh boy, was I having an ADD morning. I couldn't focus, when I thought of something I needed to do, if I didn't write it down or act on it, the thought would float right back out and I wouldn't think of it again until hours later. So, I had to call out the reserves to help me stay on task, Bon Jovi. Music seems to help me be able to focus much better, as long as it's just background noise. Not saying that Bon Jovi is noise, cause I really like them, it's just that since I'm so familiar with their music, I don't feel the need to try to really pay attention to them. I can just enjoy the music and let it drown out all other distractions.

I learned that trick long before I learned I had ADD. When I did my homework as a kid, if I didn't have music going, I couldn't focus on my homework. My family really didn't understand that back then. My sister had to have it nice and quiet for her homework and that's also what worked when my mother had to pay bills or some other task along those lines. But not me.

I was always a little different, well actually a lot different. Didn't make straight A's , wasn't the social butterfly, was happy to just stay at home and read most evenings, that was all very weird to the rest of my family. Well, since I've learned more about ADD, I had signs of it all along, but back then, they only looked for "Learning Disabilities" in kids who couldn't keep up with the class or something along those lines. And I didn't fit into that category.

The standardized tests always showed I was above average, so everyone just wondered why I wasn't living up to my potential. If you would just apply yourself you'd do well, they said. What they didn't know, and what we actually all didn't know, was that girls, and women, can have ADD right along with their brothers. It just manifests itself differently.

Like me, women tend to internalize their symptoms, meaning their minds can be the hyperactive part and not their bodies. That's my major problem that I am hoping to have addressed at my first psychiatric appointment on Friday.

I was recommended this doctor by my current general practitioner. So, when I called for an appointment I specifically asked if they treated adults with ADD and they said they did. So, I said when's the next available appointment.

I'm really excited and hopeful that I can receive some type of help for my ADD. I hope that it will be a combination of several things including medication and some type of coping strategy, because I'm here to say, it doesn't get any easier as you get older. If anything it's gotten much harder for me. My ADD doesn't just affect me anymore, it affects my whole family.

If I don't pay attention to something, I miss my kids play at school, or don't get the snacks to school on the right day. Maybe I forget to send them with their lunch money and they eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that day, even though they love pb&j, I still feel awful that it happened. Everyday there are so many things I have to try to pay attention to, like the laundry I forgot about and need to go put in the drier... that sort of thing.

Well, better go get back to work, now that I've come out of ADD land for a moment, more later this week!

1 comment:

Mabunny said...

Way to go Nik!! Great to see you in the blogging world, and I love that you are getting help and feeling a bit more in control!!

Love Ya:))


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